Author of “If Only I’d Had This Caregiving Book”
Volume 13 - Starr & Bob talked about “Maya’s Model” in her book, which takes the reader through self discovery exercises, developing his/her own network of support, to survive the otherwise harrowing experience of caregiving.
KKYX Radio Volume 13 - Maya Hennessey (approximate running time 60 minutes)
Author of “Caregiving: The Spiritual Journey of Love, Loss, and Renewal”
Volume 12 - Starr & Bob interviewed Beth Witrogen; author of “And Thou Shalt Honor” which was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize several years ago. Beth gave advice on medical and financial issues, depression, stress, housing, home care, and other issues confronting anyone caring for someone who is ill or disabled.
KKYX Radio Volume 12 (approximate running time 60 minutes)
RN, author, poet, caregiver and all around great person!
Volume 11 - Marie had us all on the edge of our seats with her heartwarming and entertaining stories from when she worked in the hospital as an RN and cared for the terminally ill.
KKYX Radio - Marie Senter (approximate running time 60 minutes)
Choice One Medical
Volume 10 - Back by popular demand, Racinda delighted our caregiving audience with more caregiving gadgets to make everyone’s life easier!
KKYX – Racinda Vekasy (approximate running time 60 minutes)
Author of “When Someone You Love has Alzheimer’s”
http://themanbehindthewords.com/bookcategories_caregiving.html
Volume 9 - Starr & Bob interviewed bestselling author (90 Minutes in Heaven), Cecil Murphey. He offered spiritual hope and help for people whose loved ones are facing Alzheimer’s disease, drug abuse, & mental illness through his personal testimony. He also shared his personal story of being a caregiver and how he learned to take care of himself the hard way.
KKYX Radio Cecil Murphey (approximate running time 60 minutes)
Vista Care Hospice
Volume 8 - Adrianna, along with Starr & Bob, helped listeners understand what the function of hospice is, what it entails and how to help your loved one receive the services hospice has to offer.
KKYX Radio Adrianna Trevino (approximate running time 60 minutes)
Author of “My Life, My Care, My Way”
Volume 7 - Paula talked with Starr & Bob about her book and how it helps us to plan our future regarding our care directives. It is a workbook as well and she shares how to use it.
KKYX Radio Paula Harder Kenemore (approximate running time 60 minutes)
Help For Those Caring for the Elderly
Older Americans are living longer lives and that often means that they are unable to live independently. In 2005 a government-financed study found that more than 1 million children in our nation take care of sick or disabled parents or relatives– shopping, feeding, dressing, medicating and even changing adult diapers. It can be an exhausting and distressing experience, with caregivers often feeling inadequately prepared for the job.
Many of these caregivers have been given help and hope by Starr and Bob Calo-oy. For 18 years Starr and Bob cared for terminally ill and Alzheimer patients in their own home until their “residents” passed away. Their first patient was a retired preacher with Alzheimer’s disease, whom they brought into their home as a favor to a friend. Shortly thereafter, the preacher had a massive stroke and became their first hospice patient. The experience was so rewarding that the Calo-oys began working hand-in-hand with local agencies to provide residential care for others. Through the years they were caregivers for quadriplegics, paraplegics, head injuries, the disabled and elderly. Hundreds passed comfortably because of the Calo-oys’ Christian commitment and loving care. Their most rewarding experiences were when guests proclaimed Jesus as their Lord before their deaths.
In 2006 they decided to write books and share what they had learned. After all the years of counseling relatives and struggling caregivers, it was only natural that they want to help and educate families who care for loved ones at home. They do this through their books, a radio talk show on San Antonio’s KKYX, offering free caregiver’s classes, and speaking to large groups. Starr’s two new books, Caregiving Tips A-Z and Caregiving Tips A-Z: Alzheimer’s & Other Dementias both give 1,200 tips for caregivers.
“We’ve seen so much grief and pain and people who didn’t know what to do. I wanted to write books to tell people, ‘You are capable; all you have to do is not be afraid or worried. We want you to know that someone cares and we have the answers you need,’ “Starr says.
Starr’s books provide the family caregiver with all the information necessary to keep their loved one in their home rather than sending them to a nursing home.
The Many Challenges of Sundowning
by Starr Calo-oy
“Exactly what is “sundowning”? I have been asked that question many times. First, I’ll tell you what it is not. It is not a medical term, a disease or a syndrome. It is a symptom of dementia and occurs just as the sun begins to go down each day.
Regardless of where the dementia victim is living, they become more confused, restless and insecure late in the day. Experts beleive one of the possible reasons for this phenomenon may be due to a lack of sensory stimulation as the light changes intensity in their environment.
If you were blind, for example, you would be especially sensitive to the routine noises of the morning, noontime and the decrease of those noises at night. These patients feel the same way because they are handicapped in a different way. Familiar and secure sounds lessen as the day draws to a close and the security that those sounds provide, disappears in the shadows. They become more frantic and exasperated in trying to restore their sense of familiarity. Just as a small child is afraid of the dark or of being left alone, the dementia victim, who cannot verbally express their fear, will begin to pace and perform repetitive motions instead. They regress to childlike behavior and this is why they will scream, throw things, call out for help, spit, kick, bite, cry, curse, ask repetitive questions and try to “escape”.
This may be why they appear to have their days and nights “mixed up”. They tend to sleep very well during the day because they are relaxed; secure. Also, researchers found that people with dementia had an increase of these symptoms during the winter months and daylight savings time changes. The patients got up at night to urinate, eat or drink with more frequency at these times.
End of day fatigue also plays a major role in adding to increased agitation and aggression. It’s almost as if they start each morning with an emotional tolerance bank account full of energy, toleration, cooperation and compliance. By the end of the day, after they have had to cope with trying to sort out what was real, what was true, coping with their fear and just surviving they become “overdrawn”. They have no more to give and because they no longer have any sense of social awareness and they are exhausted, they have a catastrophic emergency.
Helpful tips to help you with your loved one
Just try each one of these strategies until you find one that works. Every person is different and their set of challenges are unique, but they are all in dire need of someone who cares enough to explore on their behalf.
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The family who is caring for a loved one who is a victim of Alzheimer’s Disease in their own home, has to be ready to deal with a variety of difficult behavioral tendencies. One of these traits is wandering.
There are specific precautions that you can take to avoid your loved one from getting lost. There are specific precautions that you can take to avoid your loved one from getting lost.
You need to understand that the Alzheimer victim has the inclinations of a little child. They are easily distracted by anything that catches their eye- bright colors and delightful sounds that will soothe their soul. They will also revert to habits they formed in their younger years such as jobs and chores and may leave your presence in order to fulfill their “obligations”.
There may other reasons they wander as well. They may be trying to handle the stress of their environment, which they may view as being noisy, crowded, isolated, or unpleasant. They may go out in search of such basic needs as food, water or a bathroom and have simply lost their way trying to find them. They may be trying to find familiar faces, objects surroundings or companionship. Maybe they have misinterpreted certain sights or sounds as being life threatening or frightening.
Whatever the reason(s), it is especially frustrating and irritating for caregivers but it can soon become more than that when the AD victim moves into an unsafe or unhealthy area or climate, puts others at risk or invades another persons property.
There are steps, which can be taken to avoid irreversible and dangerous situations.
1) Encourage exercise and walking in a safe, secured area.
2) Survey your area for possible hazards such as a pool, busy roadways they could wander out into, tunnels, dense foliage, steep stairways, high balconies, bus stops, the absence of fences or gates and unbolted entryways in your home.
3) Use nightlights, cue signs and familiar objects to help them move around the house safely.
4) Make sure they were something to identify them each day. For example, a necklace with a plate that tells their address, phone number and name and mental/medical condition. They can have their ID on their shoes, glasses or dentures. Always be aware of what they are wearing each day.
5) Keep a list of your neighbors names and phone numbers and let them know that your loved one may wander and to keep an eye out. Ask them to gently lead your loved one back home if they see them out alone. Explain to them how to do this without arousing them to combativeness or promoting a catastrophic emergency.
6) If your loved one is missing, begin to look for him close by. Call his name, inform the neighbors and ask them to help you look. Call the police and fire departments. When you locate him, approach him with calmness and gentleness. Do not scold him. He was on a mission, remember? Have a nice leisurely walk back home.
With a few precautions, you can “Alzheimer-proof” your environment, make it safe for your loved one to thrive in and provide yourself with a great peace of mind. It may seem like a lot of work, but it’s worth it in the long run.
Many a traveler has driven by the Calo-oy’s nine bedroom home in northwest San Antonio and wondered what kind of people live in such a big house-perhaps an entrepreneur or a professional athlete? Who would suspect this is the residence of a couple who devotes every hour, day and night, to their dying residents?
For 17 years, Starr and Bob Calo-oy, married 26 years with ten children, have cared for terminally ill and Alzheimer patients in their own home until their guests pass away. Their first patient was a retired preacher with Alzheimer’s disease, whom they brought into their home as a favor to a friend. Shortly thereafter, the preacher had a massive stroke and became their first hospice patient. The experience was so rewarding, the Calo-oys began working hand-in-hand with local agencies to provide residential care for others. Since then, they have been caregivers for quadriplegics, paraplegics, head injuries, the disabled and elderly.
To provide the highest quality of care available, Starr and Bob decided to care for only three patients at a time. Starr says she has time to pamper her patients because she and Bob are equal partners in home care. Bob even took the Certified Nurse’s Assistant course with Starr so that both could perform the necessary medical procedures and bathe patients. For as long as Starr can remember, Bob has done all the grocery shopping, driven patients to the doctor, and dealt with workmen. He often brings fresh flowers home to brighten a patient’s day. Together they counsel and comfort family members.
“We love working with the families,” Starr says. “We’ve seen so much grief and pain and people who didn’t know what to do. They don’t want to put loved ones in a nursing home, but they can no longer care for them. The Calo-oys enjoy taking patients into their home and showing families that there is a place for them and they are cared for by people with loving hearts. When the adult children come over, Starr serves a meal so they can have a pleasant visit. Time and time again, Starr and Bob have offered advice and relieved the anxiety and hopelessness of family members.
As if caring for three high maintenance residents and all their families, reporting to doctors, nurses and agencies–in addition to their own two small children still at home—isn’t enough to keep them busy, Starr and Bob are also authors of the Caring Caregivers Guides book series. They also write advice columns for San Antonio publications.
Recently, for the first time in over a decade, Bob and Starr found themselves with no hospice patients in the house. During this break, the couple decided it was time to share what they had learned with other caregivers. Starr is now concentrating on writing more books and speaking to groups about providing successful home care. Her second book, Hospice Care at Home, gives step-by-step advice on caring for a loved one; for example how to give an adult a bath. It also includes information on the signs of impending death, how to handle the flood of emotions, how to avoid caregiver burnout and how to plan a funeral.
So many families feel incompetent to care for their loved ones,” Starr explains. “I wanted to write a book to tell people, ‘You are capable; all you have to do is not be afraid or worried. Get with a good hospice agency—they’ll provide the knowledge you need. Many services now come to your home, like x-ray machine operators, medical suppliers, and barbers. You’re not in this alone.’”
When asked how they have the energy and time to do so much for so many people, they reply, “We pray together. We also watch out for each other’s rest and get away alone together. We play games regularly with each other and the children. Most of all, if you’re going to put others’ desires and needs before your own, you have to love them, really love them. Love can overcome anything.”
http://www.notjusttalkinthetalk.com/
Volume 6 - Linda summarized the information she would be sharing at her upcoming Powerful Living conference.
KKYX Radio Volume 6 with Linda Goldfarb (approximate running time 45:25 minutes)
Alzheimer’s Disease
Volume 5 - Jenny was in high spirits as she shared the function of the Alzheimer’s Association. Starr & Bob enlightened caregivers on the many behavioral problems of people with dementia and the solutions they came up with over the years.
KKYX Radio Volume 5 with Jenny Funk (approximate running time 45:19 minutes)
One of the reasons personal care homes are difficult to locate is because they don’t have the budget to run large ads in the newspaper, and most don’t have the resources to advertise on the internet. The Alzheimer’s Association provides families with a list of personal care homes, if they feel that this option is best for them. Most senior citizen centers and social workers at almost any nursing home maintain their own lists of referral sources. The best way to find exactly what you’re looking for in a facility is to “do your homework.”
Take a look at the following list of questions. Think about what you would want in a personal care home and answer the questions for yourself, then call around to different facilities and ask to talk to the owners. Conduct a phone interview with the owner of the home and ask them the same questions.
Ask these questions during every phone interview and then compare all the answers. When talking on the phone with the owners listen for and make note of any noises you hear in the background. Compare all evaluations in their entirety when you’ve finished interviewing. Select your top three choices and compare those with the questions you answered yourself. See how close a match you can get.
Don’t feel obligated to make an appointment on the spot. Explain to the owners that you are just making phone calls at this point and that you will call back when you’ve made a decision.
After you’ve conducted your phone interviews and decided on a few facilities to consider, make an appointment to go visit their homes. When you arrive at each home, pay close attention to the following details:
Don’t fall into the trap of basing your final decision on the proximity of the home; allowing that factor to override the quality of the care provided there. All too often, families care more about how convenient it is for them or friends to visit, than the quality of the care. So what if the home you are the most comfortable with leaving your loved one in is across town. If that home scored the highest on your list, make the sacrifice. Your loved ones comfort, peace of mind and security far outweighs your convenience doesn’t it? It should!
If your loved one is a hospice patient or has dementia, expect the monthly fee to be higher. There is much more care and attention to detail required when caring for someone who is dying or confused. Just keep in mind that their money is there for THEM, their comfort and that they should be made as comfortable as possible these last months or weeks of their life as you can possibly make them. Keep it in proper perspective. If they are in the final stages of life, it won’t cost you or your family for very long. It will be over soon and you don’t want to be feeling any guilt about saving a few dollars when you are attending their funeral. Many people spend more money on the funeral than they ever did for their loved ones care. You must consider all of this when making plans for someone to take care of them.
Also, if you just try to save money, disregarding the care (and you are truly able to afford better care), you may find that in a few months, that you got what you paid for and end up having to put them through an uncomfortable move anyway.
There are no shortcuts when you are dealing with somebody’s life. Take the time to make a quality decision and when all is said and done, you will have peace and so will your loved one.
If you are like most people you probably have put off collecting and categorizing vital information that your adult children will need to have on hand in the event of incapacitating illness or your death.
This month I have put together a list of questions for you to answer that they will most likely need to know. It may take you a couple of weeks to accumulate all of the information below but it will be well worth it. This will give you and your children peace of mind.
Sometimes our lives can drastically change due to illness or even end suddenly and our adult children are left with difficult decisions to make. They find themselves scrambling to locate a wide variety of documents while wrestling with a kaleidoscope of emotions.
It is up to you whether you want your relatives to know you have all of this information in one place but I strongly suggest that you consider only letting your power of attorney, estate manager and lawyer know for safety sake. Money does strange things to relationships. It is extremely important to have spiritual advice and prayer from your covering- your pastor, for divine protection and wisdom when making your plans.
So, let’s get started. Get a new spiral notebook to document your instructions and wishes, a plastic file box to hold the files you are going to organize and alphabetical dividers.
Place your spiral in a folder marked “Vital Information”.
The wisest place to store this file box is in a safe and the combination should be given to your attorney, estate manager and placed on a piece of paper in a safe deposit box at the bank. If you do not own a safe, place the file box in your attic but be sure to notify the people mentioned above of its whereabouts.
This will take time to gather but you must have the information at your representatives’ fingertips at any given time so get it done. Don’t put it off.
If you are reading this article and want to do this but need some help, ask your POA to help you. Enlist the help and legwork of trusted family members but only after consulting with your POA to know who to include. You may need to divide up the list among several people. Call a family meeting with a few of the more organized and diligent members. Schedule the next meeting with them (have them bring their weekly planners or calendars with them) before they leave.
This may sound like a lot of unnecessary work especially if you’ve never been through having to search for such information after the death of a loved one personally. In that event, you have no idea how important it is to get it done right. If you have been through it and not been this organized, then you will appreciate our attention to the small details. One thing is for sure though; your children and/or loved ones will truly appreciate this act of love and consideration.
