Caregiving and Your Marriage
As printed in “The Beacon” San Antonio’s Christian Newspaper
Article Date: March 2010 – The Beacon Online
by Starr Calo-oy
Starr Calo-oy
You had it all planned out. After the children had left the nest, you and your spouse would spend time traveling the world on the savings you had accumulated throughout the years. Great plan, right?
Then it happened, your parent got sick and had to move in with you permanently.
Now your days are filled with diapers, baths and constant, non–sensical arguments instead of long luxurious cruises. Your nights are spent holding your parents’ hand instead of your spouse on warm, sandy beaches. Where did the romance go?
Here are some suggestions that may give you back your dreams.
Romantic Getaways
Plan A – Call your relatives and ask if they would be willing to come and stay at your home so you can go away with your spouse for a few days. When you find a willing sitter, tell her you will teach her everything she needs to know to care for him. Tell her the date you plan to leave and if this doesn’t agree with her schedule, give her an alternate date. Ask her when she can come, then plan your get–away around her plans.
Plan B – If you can’t find a family member to help, try calling a sitters agency from the phone book or ask your LO’s doctor for a referral. Then call your family members and ask them to pitch in equally to pay for it. They need to know what it costs you to get away. They take it for granted because they can get up and go anytime they want to.
Plan C – If they aren’t willing to help you sit with their LO or pay for someone else to do it, write a check to the sitter from his account that you sign on for you and your spouse to get away. If you have financial (durable) power of attorney for him, this will not be a problem. If you are not, you should be if you are the primary caregiver.
Keep in mind that the money is in his account for his care now. He will not be going home and you aren’t taking anyone’s inheritance. Inheritance is what’s left over after a person has used their money on themselves and that includes their care. If family members aren’t willing to care for them, part of their own inheritance will do the job just fine!
Starr writes monthly for “The Beacon” – a San Antonio Christian Newspaper. The Beacon online at: The Beacon.
Starr & Bob Calo-oy created CaregiversAdvice.net to help, encourage, and support caregivers. Through weekly Radio Shows on KKYX 680am San Antonio, they host special guests who cover many unique topics concerning caregiving. They also have weekly TV Segments on KENS TV 5 San Antonio where they share caregiving and marriage tips. All of these programs are archived as Radio Podcasts and TV Podcasts for your easy listening. Visit their sister site, Marriage101.net for marriage help and encouragement. Starr has written Four Books on Caregiving.
