Caregiving 101 » The Beacon

Bathing An Adult With Special Considerations

admin — Sat, 26 Jun 2010 18:23:20 +0000

As printed in “The Beacon” San Antonio’s Christian Newspaper

Article Date: June 2010 – The Beacon Online by Starr Calo-oy

Starr Calo-oy

How To Bathe A Bed Bound Person

A bed or sponge bath might be more appropriate in certain circumstances. If he can’t sit up, is very heavy or semi–conscience, a bed bath will be much easier for you and your loved one.

If your loved one has gotten to the point of being bed bound, more than likely, he will have a home health aide who will come in 3–5 times a week and bathe him for you. If so, watch what the aide does to learn how.

Make sure not to use regular soap, as it is very hard to rinse thoroughly. Instead, use a no–rinse soap, available at most medical supply houses and pharmacies. Simply pour the directed amount into a small plastic basin filled with warm water. Use the washcloth to clean him and then dry one area at a time.

Change the bath water at least 3 times: (1) to clean his face and then upper body (2) to clean the back and genital area and (3) to clean his legs and feet.

Make sure you keep the room warm and only uncover the part of the body you are bathing.

Bath Time Close to the End of Life

When you have been told that your LO is very close (within days) to passing away and/ or is having a difficult time breathing or may be experiencing pain, you should not put him through any more discomfort than absolutely necessary. At this point, bathing is no longer necessary; neither is turning him around the clock.

You might want to use a warm cloth to wipe his face and head, but a full bed bath would only be more traumatic than beneficial to him.

When he is in what is called “the active dying process”, he will stop voiding urine and feces because he has already stopped taking in fluids and food. Diaper changes will cease. If he does urinate or have a slight bowel movement, be very gentle as you change him. If you notice that any remaining urine is turning dark red, don’t be alarmed. It’s a normal part of the dying process.

It’s not an easy feat; getting over to the other side. Make his last few hours or days on this earth as comfortable as you possibly can. For more tips, see below.

Starr writes monthly for “The Beacon” – a San Antonio Christian Newspaper. The Beacon online at: The Beacon.

Starr & Bob Calo-oy created CaregiversAdvice.net to help, encourage, and support caregivers. Through weekly Radio Shows on KKYX 680am San Antonio, they host special guests who cover many unique topics concerning caregiving. They also have weekly TV Segments on KENS TV 5 San Antonio where they share caregiving and marriage tips. All of these programs are archived as Radio Podcasts and TV Podcasts for your easy listening. Visit their sister site, Marriage101.net for marriage help and encouragement. Starr has written Four Books on Caregiving.

Hair Care At Home

admin — Mon, 24 May 2010 01:24:20 +0000

As printed in “The Beacon” San Antonio’s Christian Newspaper

Article Date: May 2010 – The Beacon Online by Starr Calo-oy

Starr Calo-oy

If your loved one is able-bodied and doesn’t mind a ride in the car, it will be easier to go to the hairdresser than to attempt doing it yourself at home.

Most elderly women have always taken pride in having their hair freshly rolled and styled weekly and these memories are among the last to go. If your loved one is a woman and isn’t lying in bed most of the time, it’s important that you continue this weekly ritual as long as possible.

Men, as well, have gone to the barbershop for their haircuts most of their lives, so try to keep this up.

A bed-bound women should receive a very short haircut, stylishly done, to prevent matting on the back of her head. It’s also easier to keep clean when it’s short. At this point, vanity takes a back seat to practicality. By the same token, men need this too.

A bed–bound women should receive a very short haircut, stylishly done, to prevent matting on the back of her head. It’s also easier to keep clean when it’s short. At this point, vanity takes a back seat to practicality. By the same token, men need this too.

When we were doing care in our home, we’d have a hairdresser come to our home for a beauty day a few times a month. You can too. Just call or visit one of the local beauty shops close to your home or haircut salons and ask to make a few dollars on their day off by coming over and servicing your loved one.

How do you shampoo a bed-bound patient? Purchase a no-rinse shampoo. Get it at your pharmacy. Simply pour it on his head and rub it in, then towel dry. It’s that simple.

With the right supplies and equipment that are on the market in this high-tech day and age we live in today, it’s not difficult to keep your loved one well-groomed and clean with a little creativity and care. For more tips, get our caregiving tip books below!

Starr writes monthly for “The Beacon” – a San Antonio Christian Newspaper. The Beacon online at: The Beacon.

Hair Care At Home

Caregiving and your Siblings

admin — Sat, 10 Apr 2010 20:30:19 +0000

As printed in “The Beacon” San Antonio’s Christian Newspaper

Article Date: April 2010 – The Beacon Online by Starr Calo-oy

Starr Calo-oy

There are going to be times you and your siblings will disagree with the way you are caring for your relative. Believe me, you may feel unappreciated, underpaid and overworked! Why? They think different than you do! People handle emotional pain and disappointment in different ways. A few of the factors that will cause people to think differently are:

♦ Growing up and living in contrasting homes
♦ Health issues
♦ Income brackets
♦ Unique lifestyles
♦ Job/career changes
♦ Family additions
♦ Growth in diverse areas
♦ Losses and gains in distinct areas

“Embrace them with His arms and see them through His eyes! Make your heavenly father proud.”

If you want to be less disappointed, watch your expectations. Read and apply Galatians 5:22–26 “but the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self–control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to christ jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the spirit, let us keep in step with the spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.” Hold a family meeting and ask your family to sign up for chores:

The Volunteer List

Cooking – this person agrees to cook for your entire family so you can tend to your loved ones personal needs. They can bring the prepared food over weekly or bi–weekly. This would be their only responsibility. Cleaning – this person comes over a minimum of 3 times a week to do a thorough cleaning of the house and take out the trash. This would be their only responsibility Laundry – this person comes over to do laundry 4 times a week– to wash, fold, put & hang up all laundry. This would be their only responsibility. Appointments & transportation – this person would handle all appointments and transportation for your lo. He would write all of them on your calendar to keep you up to speed. He would also get him ready for these appointments. Yard work – this person would keep your yard looking greatmowing and edging once a week. Above all, realize that you have the great opportunity and privilege of being a good example of Jesus to them by the way you handle their criticism and judgment. Pray for them. Embrace them with His arms and see them through His eyes! Make your heavenly father proud.

Starr writes monthly for “The Beacon” – a San Antonio Christian Newspaper. The Beacon online at: The Beacon.

Caregiving and Your Marriage

admin — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 23:13:00 +0000

As printed in “The Beacon” San Antonio’s Christian Newspaper

Article Date: March 2010 – The Beacon Online
by Starr Calo-oy

Starr Calo-oy

You had it all planned out. After the children had left the nest, you and your spouse would spend time traveling the world on the savings you had accumulated throughout the years. Great plan, right?

Then it happened, your parent got sick and had to move in with you permanently.

Now your days are filled with diapers, baths and constant, non–sensical arguments instead of long luxurious cruises. Your nights are spent holding your parents’ hand instead of your spouse on warm, sandy beaches. Where did the romance go?

Here are some suggestions that may give you back your dreams.

Romantic Getaways

Plan A – Call your relatives and ask if they would be willing to come and stay at your home so you can go away with your spouse for a few days. When you find a willing sitter, tell her you will teach her everything she needs to know to care for him. Tell her the date you plan to leave and if this doesn’t agree with her schedule, give her an alternate date. Ask her when she can come, then plan your get–away around her plans.

Plan B – If you can’t find a family member to help, try calling a sitters agency from the phone book or ask your LO’s doctor for a referral. Then call your family members and ask them to pitch in equally to pay for it. They need to know what it costs you to get away. They take it for granted because they can get up and go anytime they want to.

Plan C – If they aren’t willing to help you sit with their LO or pay for someone else to do it, write a check to the sitter from his account that you sign on for you and your spouse to get away. If you have financial (durable) power of attorney for him, this will not be a problem. If you are not, you should be if you are the primary caregiver.

Keep in mind that the money is in his account for his care now. He will not be going home and you aren’t taking anyone’s inheritance. Inheritance is what’s left over after a person has used their money on themselves and that includes their care. If family members aren’t willing to care for them, part of their own inheritance will do the job just fine!

Starr writes monthly for “The Beacon” – a San Antonio Christian Newspaper. The Beacon online at: The Beacon.

Torn: Your Marriage vs. Your Loved One

admin — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 20:46:17 +0000

As printed in “The Beacon” San Antonio’s Christian Newspaper

Article Date: February 2010 – The Beacon Online
by Starr Calo-oy

Starr Calo-oy

Granted, it’s very exciting now that you finally have your loved one at home with you where he will be safe and you can spend more time with him but make sure to include your family in the caregiving now so they don’t feel left out.

Before he moves in, have a heart–to–heart with your spouse. If your loved one has trouble sleeping, eating, dressing or bathing, discuss it with your spouse. Explain to him that this will take time away from him and your children. I’ll tell you what– let me tell him– have him read this:

Your spouse is in a very difficult position right now. She knows her dad needs to move in with your family but doesn’t want to impose on you or inconvenience you.

Her marriage is so important to her but she feels like she has been backed into a corner with no way out. She desperately needs your understanding and compassion. She needs you to handle things as if your own parent needed to move in with the two of you.

This won’t last forever, even though at times it may seem like that. This is another season of your marriage which both of you must endure together, as the strong team God made you to be.

This is going to mean you must sacrifice time with her and pitch in to help when she asks you to and to do it without complaining. She will never forget the loving ways you put up with her parent and will be ready to give back what you have sown when it comes time to help your parents. She cannot do it alone and she shouldn’t have to.

She has a great helpmeet in you. Don’t let her down now that you both have gone through so much together.

If you will schedule romantic getaways, marriage classes, picnics in bed on Saturday mornings and dance lessons occasionally, you can easily weather the added work of caregiving for your loved one! Synergism is the answer. What is synergism? It means that apart, you (you & your spouse) are less than one, but together, you are more than two. Together, you were made by God to function, in agreement, to accomplish all things in His divine will, and the care of the feeble & helpless is most definitely His will!

Starr writes monthly for “The Beacon” – a San Antonio Christian Newspaper. The Beacon online at: The Beacon.

This Year, as a Caregiver, I Promise…

admin — Sat, 16 Jan 2010 23:04:56 +0000

As printed in “The Beacon” San Antonio’s Christian Newspaper

Article Date: January 2010 – The Beacon Online
by Starr Calo-oy

Starr Calo-oy

To agree with my loved one instead of arguing with her. To let her think she is right– To yield as Jesus does.

To stop correcting her. To realize I do not need to try to change anyone but myself!

To help preserve her dignity as a human being rather than making her feel stupid. To respect, encourage and praise her.

To stop keeping a record of her wrongs. To forgive unconditionally as Jesus does my sins.

To encourage others to forgive her too. To ask her forgiveness– to make peace. To spend more time listening to her. To ask her about her life and go through the photo albums with her.

To say “I love you” more often and make physical contact with her; to hug and kiss her more.

To get more rest and take better care of myself.

To turn her care over to another if I begin losing control of myself.

To spend time daily praying WITH my loved one. To take better care of her SPIRITUALLY.

To think before I speak, to speak softly, to edify and build her up rather than use my mouth to tear her down.

“⁴Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; ⁵does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; ⁶does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; ⁷bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” 1Corinthians 13:4–7

“Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God has commanded you, that your days may be long, and that it may be well with you in the land which the LORD your God is giving you.” Deuteronomy 5:16

Need I say more? The Lord said it all–

Starr & Bob Calo–oy cared for the terminally ill and people with different forms of dementia in their own home for 25 years and are the authors of 4 caregiving books. Starr hosts Caregiving 101 and Marriage 101 on Great Day Sunday on KENS–TV 5 every Sunday morning and both of the Calo–oy’s host 2, one–hour radio talk shows on KKYX–680am every Saturday morning; Caregiving 101 & Marriage 101. Starr & Bob are retired preachers make numerous appearances on television all over America and are the proud parents of 10 children. They are currently working on 3 books, give free marriage classes in their home and provide free caregiving coaching and marriage counseling. You can reach them from their websites at www.caregiversadvice.net, www.marriage101.net or call 210.521.8668.

Starr writes monthly for “The Beacon” – a San Antonio Christian Newspaper. The Beacon online at: The Beacon.

Don’t Feel Guilty for Leaving

admin — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 17:56:01 +0000

As printed in “The Beacon” San Antonio’s Christian Newspaper

Article Date: October 2009 – The Beacon Online
by Starr Calo-oy

Starr Calo-oy

Question:

Each time I go to visit my dad, he tries to prevent me from leaving. I feel so guilty, but I find myself going to see him less because I am running out of excuses to get away. What can I do?

Answer:

1) Before you go to visit, call the caregiver (if it’s a small facility such as a personal care home) and let her know that if she has any business to discuss with you, to do it before your dad knows you are there. This way, he will feel that he has your undivided attention and that you only came to see him. Also, ask her to be available when you leave, to wait at the door (if he is ambulatory) and wave good-bye to you together from there. When you are ready to go, whether your Dad is bed-bound or ambulatory, kiss and hug him, say good-bye and walk out immediately. Do not respond to anything that he might say as you are leaving and do not turn around to look at him or wait for his approval. This might sound cruel but it is even more cruel and painful for both of you, to allow the goodbye to drag on. Reconcile yourself to realizing that you had a good visit and now it is over.

“Running out of excuses to leave?”

2) Get your dad his favorite ice cream or candy and keep it out of sight until you are ready to leave. Just before you leave, give it to your dad, love on him, say good-bye and leave immediately. A tasty treat may be all he needs to distract him so you can leave unnoticed.

3) Try visiting more often or less frequently to see what works better for him.

4) Find out when the next meal will be served before you plan your visit that day. Arrive at the home in time to visit long enough before the meal. When it is served, leave.

Starr & Bob Calo–oy cared for the terminally ill and people with different forms of dementia in their own home for 25 years and are the authors of 4 caregiving books. Starr hosts Caregiving 101 and Marriage 101 on Great Day Sunday on KENS–TV 5 every Sunday morning and both of the Calo–oy’s host 2, one–hour radio talk shows on KKYX–680am every Saturday morning; Caregiving 101 & Marriage 101. Starr & Bob are retired preachers make numerous appearances on television all over America and are the proud parents of 10 children. They are currently working on 3 books, give free marriage classes in their home and provide free caregiving coaching and marriage counseling. You can reach them from their websites at www. caregiversadvice.net, www.marriage101.net or call 210.521.8668.

Starr writes monthly for “The Beacon” – a San Antonio Christian Newspaper. The Beacon online at: The Beacon.

Angry All the Time? You Haven’t Failed!

admin — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 15:18:18 +0000

Violence, the Person with Dementia and You

As printed in “The Beacon” San Antonio’s Christian Newspaper

Article Date: September 2009 – The Beacon Online
by Starr Calo-oy

Starr Calo-oy

There are two situations you must adjust to when you take on the care of a full–grown adult;
(1) coping with a flood of mixed emotions and (2) the daily hands on care.

However, if you find you are angry with him most of the time, understand this: if God did not call you to provide care for someone with dementia , family or not, you are not equipped to do so physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually. You will not have the patience or wisdom required to care for them effectively and that is the least they deserve.

If your loved one had been diagnosed with a rare and painful type of cancer, and his doctor said he needed to be admitted to a pain management facility, would you feel guilty?

Of course not! You would be grateful that there was such a place to help him. There would be no way that you could possibly make a difference in his care or the outcome no matter how much you loved him or how long you had been together.

The bible clearly says, “Whatsoever you sow, that surely shall you also reap.” Reflect on turning contempt into compassion. Make it your new goal to start sowing good seed and spray the weed killer of repentance over the bad crops.

This is not about you failing at caregiving– It is not about you at all. It is about your loved one receiving the care he deserves in the autumn of his life. If you are not up to it, then look for alternate living arrangements now.

Starr & Bob Calo–oy cared for the terminally ill and people with different forms of dementia in their own home for 25 years and are the authors of 4 caregiving books. Starr hosts Caregiving 101 and Marriage 101 on Great Day Sunday on KENS–TV 5 every Sunday morning and both of the Calo–oy’s host 2, one–hour radio talk shows on KKYX–680am every Saturday morning; Caregiving 101 & Marriage 101. Starr & Bob are retired preachers make numerous appearances on television all over America and are the proud parents of 10 children. They are currently working on 3 books, give free marriage classes in their home and provide free caregiving coaching and marriage counseling. You can reach them from their websites at www. caregiversadvice.net, www.marriage101.net or call 210.521.8668.

Starr writes monthly for “The Beacon” – a San Antonio Christian Newspaper. The Beacon online at: The Beacon.

The Good, The Bad, and the Angry

admin — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 22:57:00 +0000

As printed in “The Beacon” San Antonio’s Christian Newspaper

Article Date: Wed, 07/29/2009 – The Beacon Online – Article
by Starr Calo-oy

Starr Calo-oy

All forms of dementia are brain damage and one trait of some brain-damaged individuals is violent behavior. There are certain triggers that can precede a catastrophic emergency in some people.

If you get impatient and try to hurry them, it can cause agitation, which in turn could lead to violence.

He can become frustrated from not being able to make himself understood.

When asked questions he can’t answer or if you ask too many in a row without giving ample time for him to answer could cause him to lash out at you.

Large crowds, noise and unfamiliar faces and places could result in a physical confrontation.

People with dementia are constantly trying to make sense of their ever-changing environment. They cannot remember what happened ten minutes ago, so telling them that you have told them something all day long and will they please stop asking the same question will only make some people want to smack you in the chops!

If your loved one has a history of past violent episodes, then you need to remember how you have provoked them in the past. No, you don’t have the right to get anything off of your chest by venting back at them no matter how he treated you when you were young. This is not the time to get back at them for all the misery you have put up with all your life. He is mentally ill now and needs you to stay calm, but if you cannot, find him a place to live as soon as possible, where patience and love can be demonstrated.

Tips

1. Pray for the Holy Spirit to bring peace to your loved one.
2. Use short, simple sentences when talking to him.
3. Maintain eye contact with him and keep smiling sweetly.
4. Sing or dance!
5. Give him a bowl of his favorite ice cream, but put it in a paper bowl!
6. Don’t restrain him or it could result in injury to both of you.
7. If he starts throwing things at you, use anything that is handy as a shield and leave him alone a couple of minutes.
8. Contact the doctor

Remember, you set the pace of your home and with the Lord’s help, have the power to maintain the peace.

Starr writes monthly for “The Beacon” – a San Antonio Christian Newspaper. Visit The Beacon online at: The Beacon.