Caregiving 101

Bathing

Kasi — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 15:00:57 +0000

This Week’s Featured TV Podcast

Listen to Volume # 040 — Starr Calo-oy – “Bathing” ( TV Podcast)

“Caregiving 101” Tips on KENS TV–5, San Antonio, Texas
Hosts: Starr Calo–oy
Topic: Bathing
Broadcast Date: February 22, 2009

It is important to keep your loved one clean at all times. Don’t be embarrassed and don’t rush baths and other grooming. Be sure they are comfortable and safe – do not leave them alone. Cover them with a towel to protect their dignity. Cover mirrors so they don’t get scared by the person in the mirror. Be sensitive to their needs, you may not be able to shower them, you may need to bathe them in bed or in the bath room. Distract them by talking to them while you clean them.

Starr & Bob Calo-oy created CaregiversAdvice.net to help, encourage, and support caregivers. Through weekly Radio Shows on KKYX 680am San Antonio, they host special guests who cover many unique topics concerning caregiving. They also have weekly TV Segments on KENS TV 5 San Antonio where they share caregiving and marriage tips. All of these programs are archived as Radio Podcasts and TV Podcasts for your easy listening. Visit their sister site, Marriage101.net for marriage help and encouragement. Starr has written Four Books on Caregiving.

Resources

Kasi — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 15:00:41 +0000

This Week’s Featured TV Podcast

Listen to Volume # 039 — Starr Calo-oy – “Resources” ( TV Podcast)

“Caregiving 101” Tips on KENS TV–5, San Antonio, Texas
Hosts: Starr Calo–oy
Topic: Resources
Broadcast Date: February 15, 2009

When caregiving, you may feel very alone. Realize that there are resources available to help. Make a list of them and keep it handy. Organizations such as Meals on Wheels, Alamo Area Mobile Podiatry, Visiting Angels, elderlawanswers.com, diaper delivery, and www.226serv.com.

Caregiving and Your Marriage

admin — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 23:13:00 +0000

As printed in “The Beacon” San Antonio’s Christian Newspaper

Article Date: March 2010 – The Beacon Online
by Starr Calo-oy

Starr Calo-oy

You had it all planned out. After the children had left the nest, you and your spouse would spend time traveling the world on the savings you had accumulated throughout the years. Great plan, right?

Then it happened, your parent got sick and had to move in with you permanently.

Now your days are filled with diapers, baths and constant, non–sensical arguments instead of long luxurious cruises. Your nights are spent holding your parents’ hand instead of your spouse on warm, sandy beaches. Where did the romance go?

Here are some suggestions that may give you back your dreams.

Romantic Getaways

Plan A – Call your relatives and ask if they would be willing to come and stay at your home so you can go away with your spouse for a few days. When you find a willing sitter, tell her you will teach her everything she needs to know to care for him. Tell her the date you plan to leave and if this doesn’t agree with her schedule, give her an alternate date. Ask her when she can come, then plan your get–away around her plans.

Plan B – If you can’t find a family member to help, try calling a sitters agency from the phone book or ask your LO’s doctor for a referral. Then call your family members and ask them to pitch in equally to pay for it. They need to know what it costs you to get away. They take it for granted because they can get up and go anytime they want to.

Plan C – If they aren’t willing to help you sit with their LO or pay for someone else to do it, write a check to the sitter from his account that you sign on for you and your spouse to get away. If you have financial (durable) power of attorney for him, this will not be a problem. If you are not, you should be if you are the primary caregiver.

Keep in mind that the money is in his account for his care now. He will not be going home and you aren’t taking anyone’s inheritance. Inheritance is what’s left over after a person has used their money on themselves and that includes their care. If family members aren’t willing to care for them, part of their own inheritance will do the job just fine!

Starr writes monthly for “The Beacon” – a San Antonio Christian Newspaper. The Beacon online at: The Beacon.

Personal Care at Home

Kasi — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 15:00:03 +0000

This Week’s Featured TV Podcast

Listen to Volume # 035— Starr Calo-oy – “Personal Care at Home” ( TV Podcast)

“Caregiving 101” Tips on KENS TV–5, San Antonio, Texas
Hosts: Starr Calo–oy
Topic: Personal Care at Home
Broadcast Date: January 18, 2009

You don’t need a license to care for 3 persons or less in your home. There may be issues of privacy and availability that are better addressed at a home rather than at a nursing home. Your loved one may get much more personal care. Our website has a checklist for what to look for in a home.

Caregiver’s Burnout

Kasi — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 15:00:45 +0000

This Week’s Featured TV Podcast

Listen to Volume # 034— Starr Calo-oy – “Caregiver’s Burnout” ( TV Podcast)

“Caregiving 101” Tips on KENS TV–5, San Antonio, Texas
Hosts: Starr Calo–oy
Topic: Caregiver’s Burnout
Broadcast Date: January 11, 2009

Caregiver burnout is a very serious ailment facing our caregivers today. Many actually pass on BEFORE the person for whom they are caring because of emotional and physical burnout. Immune systems suffer when caregivers neglect their selves. Realize you are human and may need some help. Delegate to others, hire help, get rest, laugh, cry.

Activities for the Holidays

Kasi — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 15:00:50 +0000

This Week’s Featured TV Podcast

Listen to Volume # 031 — Starr Calo-oy – “Activities for the Holidays” ( TV Podcast)

“Caregiving 101” Tips on KENS TV–5, San Antonio, Texas
Hosts: Starr Calo–oy
Topic: Activities for the Holidays
Broadcast Date: December 21, 2008

During the holidays it is important to not over-look your loved one. Ask a woman for her favorite recipe and take her to the store to get those supplies – shop online if they cannot get out. Ask a man to untangle some lights, replace the light bulbs, or hook the ornaments. Have your siblings over and watch some home movies together. Look up online what the holidays looked like in the 20’s, 30’s, etc. and discuss them together. Rent old christmas movies and eat pop corn.

Roles

Kasi — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 15:00:26 +0000

This Week’s Featured TV Podcast

Listen to Volume # 030 — Starr Calo-oy – “Roles” ( TV Podcast)

“Caregiving 101” Tips on KENS TV–5, San Antonio, Texas
Hosts: Starr Calo–oy
Topic: Roles
Broadcast Date: December 14, 2008

It is hard to change from being cared for by your loved one to being the caregiver for your loved one. Don’t forget to respect them and allow them do things for themselves as long they can – even if it takes a while. Begin to look at your loved one not as a child, but look at yourself as a servant to your loved one. Always give them respect, dignity, and privacy.

When Your Loved One Won’t Eat

Kasi — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 15:00:03 +0000

This Week’s Featured TV Podcast

Listen to Volume # 029 — Starr Calo-oy – “When Your Loved One Won’t Eat” ( TV Podcast)

“Caregiving 101” Tips on KENS TV–5, San Antonio, Texas
Hosts: Starr Calo–oy
Topic: When Your Loved One Won’t Eat
Broadcast Date: December 7, 2008

When your loved one stops eating, start looking for reasons why they may not be eating. Are they in pain? Have their gums shrunk and the dentures are now hurting? Use a small plate, soft foods v’s spicy v’s crispy, whatever they like. Cut up steak in the kitchen BEFORE you bring it to them. Shop together, do a menu together, cook and eat together. IMPORTANT: if they are in the dying process, their body may be telling them not to eat – do not try to force them.

Starr & Bob Calo-oy

Kasi — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 02:06:18 +0000

This Week’s Featured Radio Podcast

Listen to Volume # 101 —Starr & Bob Calo-oy – “Starr & Bob Calo-oy” (Podcast)

“Caregiving 101” on KKYX Radio 680am San Antonio, Texas
Hosts: Starr & Bob Calo–oy
Guest: Starr & Bob Calo-oy
Broadcast Date: January 23, 2010

Today was a wonderful show with stories and advice about caregivers’ guilt. They ministered the families of the patients, discussing their feelings and the hurt in their hearts. This very subject inspired their first book “The Caring Caregivers Guide to Dealing With Guilt”.

There are many types of guilt: The guilt of Broken Promises such as “Mom I/we won’t put you in a nursing home”. The guilt of physical abuse. Sibling guilt, rivalry, and now with caregiving old things come-up. Guilt from revengeful thoughts and unforgiving. Guilt from wanting your loved one to die, from inconvenience and long suffering…undeserved guilt. Guilt resulting from a hard heart, and you are using it as a defensive measure. Guilt resulting from emotionally not being able to visit, feeling that their loved one is going to confront them (why aren’t you visiting more often where have you been?), or the parent or patient will plead and hang on to them when they leave.

Thanks for the heads-up Bob, and you too Starr! These things can be heart-wrenching and are so very personal. God Bless you both for your loving hearts.

Accommodations for Spouse

Kasi — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 15:00:52 +0000

This Week’s Featured TV Podcast

Listen to Volume # 027 — Starr Calo-oy – “Accommodations for Spouse” ( TV Podcast)

“Caregiving 101” Tips on KENS TV–5, San Antonio, Texas
Hosts: Starr Calo–oy
Topic: Accommodations for Spouse
Broadcast Date: November 23, 2008

When your parent comes to live with you, your other parent may want to come as well. They don’t want to be left out of their spouse’s life. You must set boundaries for both of the parents coming into your home. Ask your loved one to come over to stay for a while (like for the holidays, etc.) and just keep letting them stay. You may set both parents up in the same room or you may need to set them up in different rooms if they are not able to co-habitate that closely.

Violent Behavior

Kasi — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 15:00:50 +0000

This Week’s Featured TV Podcast

Listen to Volume # 026 — Starr Calo-oy – “Violent Behavior” ( TV Podcast)

“Caregiving 101” Tips on KENS TV–5, San Antonio, Texas
Hosts: Starr Calo–oy
Topic: Violent Behavior
Broadcast Date: November 16, 2008

When caring for loved ones, many will become violent. Take them to the doctor (after having already spoken with the doctor) and let them help. Always speak slowly, smile, and remove them from distractions. If they don’t get better, leave and come back in different clothers 10 minutes later. Make sure they are comfortable, not hungry, thirsty, wet, or over- or mis-medicated. Watch for a particular person to be a stimulus for aggitation. Always keep a bowl of ice-cream around to dilute heated situations; everybody loves ice-cream!

Torn: Your Marriage vs. Your Loved One

admin — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 20:46:17 +0000

As printed in “The Beacon” San Antonio’s Christian Newspaper

Article Date: February 2010 – The Beacon Online
by Starr Calo-oy

Starr Calo-oy

Granted, it’s very exciting now that you finally have your loved one at home with you where he will be safe and you can spend more time with him but make sure to include your family in the caregiving now so they don’t feel left out.

Before he moves in, have a heart–to–heart with your spouse. If your loved one has trouble sleeping, eating, dressing or bathing, discuss it with your spouse. Explain to him that this will take time away from him and your children. I’ll tell you what– let me tell him– have him read this:

Your spouse is in a very difficult position right now. She knows her dad needs to move in with your family but doesn’t want to impose on you or inconvenience you.

Her marriage is so important to her but she feels like she has been backed into a corner with no way out. She desperately needs your understanding and compassion. She needs you to handle things as if your own parent needed to move in with the two of you.

This won’t last forever, even though at times it may seem like that. This is another season of your marriage which both of you must endure together, as the strong team God made you to be.

This is going to mean you must sacrifice time with her and pitch in to help when she asks you to and to do it without complaining. She will never forget the loving ways you put up with her parent and will be ready to give back what you have sown when it comes time to help your parents. She cannot do it alone and she shouldn’t have to.

She has a great helpmeet in you. Don’t let her down now that you both have gone through so much together.

If you will schedule romantic getaways, marriage classes, picnics in bed on Saturday mornings and dance lessons occasionally, you can easily weather the added work of caregiving for your loved one! Synergism is the answer. What is synergism? It means that apart, you (you & your spouse) are less than one, but together, you are more than two. Together, you were made by God to function, in agreement, to accomplish all things in His divine will, and the care of the feeble & helpless is most definitely His will!

Starr writes monthly for “The Beacon” – a San Antonio Christian Newspaper. The Beacon online at: The Beacon.

Valerie Taylor

Kasi — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 05:04:27 +0000

This Week’s Featured Radio Podcast

Listen to Volume # 074 —Valerie Taylor & Alternative Choices – “Valerie Taylor” (Podcast)

“Caregiving 101” on KKYX Radio 680am San Antonio, Texas
Hosts: Starr & Bob Calo–oy
Guest: Valerie Taylor
Broadcast Date: July 18, 2009

We need to have as many options as possible when we are dealing with our loved ones in nursing home placement. Valerie cheerfully spoke about how nice it is to have a more personalized residential home setting. This is more comfortable for those who don’t have the requirements only to be found in a nursing care facility. There ARE options out there, and you should use them!

On page 247 in Starr and Bob’s book Caregiving Tips A-Z they covered this very subject in detail. They even have a nursing home checklist, and Independent personal care homes. You end up having privacy, so you can visit with your loved one in a more intimate setting. People here in San Antonio are largely unaware that this is an option. The privacy and individual rooms also sometimes have bathrooms too. Valerie helps walk you through many of these options. Sometimes a residential care home is not an option for you.

One of the first things you really need to do is make sure that you have power of attorney and advanced directives so that when the time comes you are not scrambling, trying to do something for mom and dad. Maybe they are in hospice or in need of home health services. These decisions need to be made before time, discussed so that they are not spur of the moment “guesses”.

Always speak to somebody, read one of Starr and Bob’s books, this information can help you know what is “coming-up”. Discuss these things ahead of time just in case they are not in a position to let you know when the “rubber hits the road”. You want them to have a part in making these decisions.

Excellent advice. Thank you for the insights Valerie Taylor. God Bless you in your endeavors.

Men and Caregiving

Kasi — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 15:00:39 +0000

This Week’s Featured TV Podcast

Listen to Volume # 025 — Starr Calo-oy – “Men and Caregiving” ( TV Podcast)

“Caregiving 101” Tips on KENS TV–5, San Antonio, Texas
Hosts: Starr Calo–oy
Topic: Men and Caregiving
Broadcast Date: November 9, 2008

Roles change dramatically when you are a man and a caregiver. Not only are you the bread winner, but now you are the nurse-maid as well. The family dynamics change dramatically. You don’t get to “fix” everything and you have to “nurture” now.

Starr and Bob Calo-oy New Year

Kasi — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 05:22:57 +0000

This Week’s Featured Radio Podcast

Listen to Volume # 098 —“Starr and Bob Calo-oy New Year” (Podcast)

“Caregiving 101” on KKYX Radio 680am San Antonio, Texas
Hosts: Starr & Bob Calo–oy
Broadcast Date: January 2, 2010

God’s Mercies are renewed every morning. People across the world take this time every January to begin a brand new year, and to bring change into their lives. Start your new caregiving year in fresh and positive ways.

Excellent advice from Bob and Starr…Don’t try to beat a demented patient or loved one in an argument. Remember…Don’t reason—Divert! Also, remember that Ice Cream works well with those who are in an “Anger Rut” or are acting combative…Just divert them with ice cream-after all who can argue when eating that? Talk about a tremendously calming solution!

You can also take them outside as a distraction, as a change of view will divert quite well. You can go out of the room and change your appearance, then return, and they will forget it’s you that they are angry with. You also would want to cover the mirrors, and this will keep them from being scared of the stranger or strangers in there with them. Another solution is that since you don’t want to shame them, instead you can distract them from what is going on by moving them around, presenting them with something to hold and manipulate, or a photo album…don’t play the blame and shame game. Don’t lecture your loved one, instead reassure them and make them feel good about themselves, and that you love them.

God Bless you in this New Year!