Caregiving 101 » marriage

Caregiving and Your Marriage

admin — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 23:13:00 +0000

As printed in “The Beacon” San Antonio’s Christian Newspaper

Article Date: March 2010 – The Beacon Online
by Starr Calo-oy

Starr Calo-oy

You had it all planned out. After the children had left the nest, you and your spouse would spend time traveling the world on the savings you had accumulated throughout the years. Great plan, right?

Then it happened, your parent got sick and had to move in with you permanently.

Now your days are filled with diapers, baths and constant, non–sensical arguments instead of long luxurious cruises. Your nights are spent holding your parents’ hand instead of your spouse on warm, sandy beaches. Where did the romance go?

Here are some suggestions that may give you back your dreams.

Romantic Getaways

Plan A – Call your relatives and ask if they would be willing to come and stay at your home so you can go away with your spouse for a few days. When you find a willing sitter, tell her you will teach her everything she needs to know to care for him. Tell her the date you plan to leave and if this doesn’t agree with her schedule, give her an alternate date. Ask her when she can come, then plan your get–away around her plans.

Plan B – If you can’t find a family member to help, try calling a sitters agency from the phone book or ask your LO’s doctor for a referral. Then call your family members and ask them to pitch in equally to pay for it. They need to know what it costs you to get away. They take it for granted because they can get up and go anytime they want to.

Plan C – If they aren’t willing to help you sit with their LO or pay for someone else to do it, write a check to the sitter from his account that you sign on for you and your spouse to get away. If you have financial (durable) power of attorney for him, this will not be a problem. If you are not, you should be if you are the primary caregiver.

Keep in mind that the money is in his account for his care now. He will not be going home and you aren’t taking anyone’s inheritance. Inheritance is what’s left over after a person has used their money on themselves and that includes their care. If family members aren’t willing to care for them, part of their own inheritance will do the job just fine!

Starr writes monthly for “The Beacon” – a San Antonio Christian Newspaper. The Beacon online at: The Beacon.

Starr & Bob Calo-oy created CaregiversAdvice.net to help, encourage, and support caregivers. Through weekly Radio Shows on KKYX 680am San Antonio, they host special guests who cover many unique topics concerning caregiving. They also have weekly TV Segments on KENS TV 5 San Antonio where they share caregiving and marriage tips. All of these programs are archived as Radio Podcasts and TV Podcasts for your easy listening. Visit their sister site, Marriage101.net for marriage help and encouragement. Starr has written Four Books on Caregiving.

Torn: Your Marriage vs. Your Loved One

admin — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 20:46:17 +0000

As printed in “The Beacon” San Antonio’s Christian Newspaper

Article Date: February 2010 – The Beacon Online
by Starr Calo-oy

Starr Calo-oy

Granted, it’s very exciting now that you finally have your loved one at home with you where he will be safe and you can spend more time with him but make sure to include your family in the caregiving now so they don’t feel left out.

Before he moves in, have a heart–to–heart with your spouse. If your loved one has trouble sleeping, eating, dressing or bathing, discuss it with your spouse. Explain to him that this will take time away from him and your children. I’ll tell you what– let me tell him– have him read this:

Your spouse is in a very difficult position right now. She knows her dad needs to move in with your family but doesn’t want to impose on you or inconvenience you.

Her marriage is so important to her but she feels like she has been backed into a corner with no way out. She desperately needs your understanding and compassion. She needs you to handle things as if your own parent needed to move in with the two of you.

This won’t last forever, even though at times it may seem like that. This is another season of your marriage which both of you must endure together, as the strong team God made you to be.

This is going to mean you must sacrifice time with her and pitch in to help when she asks you to and to do it without complaining. She will never forget the loving ways you put up with her parent and will be ready to give back what you have sown when it comes time to help your parents. She cannot do it alone and she shouldn’t have to.

She has a great helpmeet in you. Don’t let her down now that you both have gone through so much together.

If you will schedule romantic getaways, marriage classes, picnics in bed on Saturday mornings and dance lessons occasionally, you can easily weather the added work of caregiving for your loved one! Synergism is the answer. What is synergism? It means that apart, you (you & your spouse) are less than one, but together, you are more than two. Together, you were made by God to function, in agreement, to accomplish all things in His divine will, and the care of the feeble & helpless is most definitely His will!

Starr writes monthly for “The Beacon” – a San Antonio Christian Newspaper. The Beacon online at: The Beacon.