The Beacon

Angry All the Time? You Haven’t Failed!

Violence, the Person with Dementia and You

Article Date: September 2009 – The Beacon Online

by Starr Calo–oy

There are two situations you must adjust to when you take on the care of a full–grown adult; (1) coping with a flood of mixed emotions and (2) the daily hands on care.

However, if you find you are angry with him most of the time, understand this: if God did not call you to provide care for someone with dementia , family or not, you are not equipped to do so physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually. You will not have the patience or wisdom required to care for them effectively and that is the least they deserve.

If your loved one had been diagnosed with a rare and painful type of cancer, and his doctor said he needed to be admitted to a pain management facility, would you feel guilty?

Of course not! You would be grateful that there was such a place to help him. There would be no way that you could possibly make a difference in his care or the outcome no matter how much you loved him or how long you had been together.

The bible clearly says, “Whatsoever you sow, that surely shall you also reap.” Reflect on turning contempt into compassion. Make it your new goal to start sowing good seed and spray the weed killer of repentance over the bad crops.

This is not about you failing at caregiving– It is not about you at all. It is about your loved one receiving the care he deserves in the autumn of his life. If you are not up to it, then look for alternate living arrangements now.

Starr & Bob Calo–oy cared for the terminally ill and people with different forms of dementia in their own home for 25 years and are the authors of 4 caregiving books. Starr hosts Caregiving 101 and Marriage 101 on Great Day Sunday on KENS–TV 5 every Sunday morning and both of the Calo–oy’s host 2, one–hour radio talk shows on KKYX–680am every Saturday morning; Caregiving 101 & Marriage 101. Starr & Bob are retired preachers make numerous appearances on television all over America and are the proud parents of 10 children. They are currently working on 3 books, give free marriage classes in their home and provide free caregiving coaching and marriage counseling. You can reach them from their websites at www. caregiversadvice.net, www.marriage101.net or call 210.521.8668.

Starr writes monthly for “The Beacon” – a San Antonio Christian Newspaper. The Beacon online at: The Beacon.