The Beacon

How to Avoid Arguments God’s Way

Article Date: November 2009 – The Beacon Online

by Starr Calo–oy

When two people insist on their own way and it’s different, an argument is born. It’s really not the differences or disagreements, but how we communicate them that cause arguments. The Word of God has the answer to this in Ephesians 5:21 “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”

Many times, we forget the topic of disagreement 5 minutes after it starts and we are arguing about the way we are arguing! Even if we begin to agree with our spouse, stubborn pride causes us to continue the fuss. In order to protect our self from feeling worthy of our spouse’s disrespect or disapproval, automatic defenses go up to resist their point of view.

The secret to avoiding arguments is developing loving & respectful communication. Each spouse needs to stretch their borders to include & integrate each other’s point of view.

Women must learn that when her husband is deprived of love, he can become defensive and his dark side emerges. Love can be shown to your husband by asking and taking his advice, respecting his need to work things out on his own and admiring his body, mind, work and his choices.

Men, you can help your wife by not blaming her for being upset, getting angry when she cries or minimizing and invalidating her fears or feelings. By not saying things like “Don’t worry about it” or “It’s ridiculous for you to be so upset over this!” Instead, try listening quietly without offering ANY solutions. Let her know you only have eyes for her and that she is still appealing to you, above all others.

Ephesians 5:33 tells us “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

Yield to one another as Jesus taught us to. If you force your will and way, you might win the battle but lose the war!

Starr & Bob Calo–oy have been marriage counselors and taught classes in their own home free of charge for the past 25 years. Starr hosts “Marriage 101” on Great Day Sunday on KENS–TV 5 every Sunday morning and both of the Calo–oy’s host “Marriage 101”, a one–hour radio talk show on KKYX–680am every Saturday morning from 10–11. You can reach them from their website at www.marriage101.net or call 210–521–8668 to register or to make an appointment for free counseling.

Starr writes monthly for “The Beacon” – a San Antonio Christian Newspaper. The Beacon online at: The Beacon.