The Beacon

Torn: Your Marriage vs. Your Loved One

Article Date: February 2010 – The Beacon Online

by Starr Calo–oy

Granted, it’s very exciting now that you finally have your loved one at home with you where he will be safe and you can spend more time with him but make sure to include your family in the caregiving now so they don’t feel left out.

Before he moves in, have a heart–to–heart with your spouse. If your loved one has trouble sleeping, eating, dressing or bathing, discuss it with your spouse. Explain to him that this will take time away from him and your children. I’ll tell you what– let me tell him– have him read this:

Your spouse is in a very difficult position right now. She knows her dad needs to move in with your family but doesn’t want to impose on you or inconvenience you.

Her marriage is so important to her but she feels like she has been backed into a corner with no way out. She desperately needs your understanding and compassion. She needs you to handle things as if your own parent needed to move in with the two of you.

This won’t last forever, even though at times it may seem like that. This is another season of your marriage which both of you must endure together, as the strong team God made you to be.

This is going to mean you must sacrifice time with her and pitch in to help when she asks you to and to do it without complaining. She will never forget the loving ways you put up with her parent and will be ready to give back what you have sown when it comes time to help your parents. She cannot do it alone and she shouldn’t have to.

She has a great helpmeet in you. Don’t let her down now that you both have gone through so much together.

If you will schedule romantic getaways, marriage classes, picnics in bed on Saturday mornings and dance lessons occasionally, you can easily weather the added work of caregiving for your loved one! Synergism is the answer. What is synergism? It means that apart, you (you & your spouse) are less than one, but together, you are more than two. Together, you were made by God to function, in agreement, to accomplish all things in His divine will, and the care of the feeble & helpless is most definitely His will!

Starr & Bob Calo–oy cared for the terminally ill and people with different forms of dementia in their own home for 25 years and are the authors of 4 caregiving books. Starr hosts Caregiving 101 and Marriage 101 on Great Day Sunday on KENS–TV 5 every Sunday morning and both of the Calo–oy’s host 2, one–hour radio talk shows on KKYX–680am every Saturday morning; Caregiving 101 & Marriage 101. Starr & Bob are retired preachers make numerous appearances on television all over America and are the proud parents of 10 children. They are currently working on 3 books, give free marriage classes in their home and provide free caregiving coaching and marriage counseling. You can reach them from their websites at www. caregiversadvice.net, www.marriage101.net or call 210.521.8668.

Starr writes monthly for “The Beacon” – a San Antonio Christian Newspaper. The Beacon online at: The Beacon.