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Question
My mother has lived alone since my father died nine years ago. Now, she has Alzheimer’s Disease and the doctor has told us that she shouldn’t live alone in the house any longer, but she won’t leave. What can we do?
Answer
It sounds to me that your mother is in the early stages of the disease and if so, you might try one of the following.
1) Tell your mother that her doctor thinks she needs some therapy and that the only place to get it, is at this place you’ve selected. If she feels that it is not a permanent move, she might be able to accept leaving her home. Assure her, that while she is gone, you will keep her lawn up, flowers watered, bring her the mail and take care of her pets. She will be more apt to leave, if you set her mind at ease about the maintenance on her home while she is away. Tell her that the therapy lasts only one month to six weeks. Most of the time, dementia patients lose touch with space and time and are not able to judge accurately when a week has gone by, much less a month.
2) Make up a coupon in the form of an invitation that says on it something like, “Surprise!! This coupon entitles you to a full month at our resort-like home. Manicures - Facials - daily massages - Pedicures - hairdresser - body therapy. It’s all included!! Your family has already paid for this wonderful gift!!”
Somewhere on the coupon, there needs to be the word, “Non-refundable”. Place the coupon in a little box and wrap it up with a bow. Go visit her with several other family members, if possible. Tell her that you all have gotten together and have a surprise for her and then present her with the box. Make sure you are all smiling when you do. Celebrate with her. She will find it very difficult, even with dementia, to refuse such a gift from her loved ones.
3) Ask her doctor to write a “prescription” for a one-month stay.
4) Take her to see the doctor and ask him to tell her, in person, that he wants her to go to this place so she can get back on her feet again.
5) Ask her Pastor or Priest to come and talk to her. Arrange for other family members to be present when he comes.
6) Ask the new caregiver if she knows a social worker, if your mother does not have one available through a home health agency. Explain the situation to the social worker and see if she could help you by going to see your mother.
7) Ask a local fireman to come over and tell your mother the dangers for someone who has been diagnosed with this disease to live alone. Maybe he could also tell her some of the tragedies he has seen happen to those who did not listen to the advice of their physician and family.