Frequently Asked Questions #8

Question

I would rather place my dad in a care home. Are there other private homes like yours that specialize in caring for hospice patients? How do I find one and what should I look for?

Answer

These are a rare find, but they are out there. Private homes work hand–in–hand with a hospice agency to provide care for someone who has six months or less to live. Let your fingers do the walking! Look in the yellow pages under “Hospices” and start calling. Ask for their social worker or patient care administrator and then ask her/him if they have a list of private home providers.

This is a wonderfully comforting alternative to a loved one dying in an institutional setting. The caregiver doesn’t necessarily have to have a nursing degree to care for your loved one as long as she has practical experience, compassion and a heart for the terminally ill. While interviewing a hospice home candidate, you might consider using the following checklist.

1) Is the primary caregiver also the owner of the home? This particular type of care needs to be done by the person who originally had the vision. Your loved one, if in this physical state, is in a very delicate condition and there can be no allowance for anything less than a total 24 hour commitment seasoned with dedication and a wholesome pride in her work. The owner of the home is the person who came up with the idea to start a home for hospice patients. You can generally tell what the motivation of the individual was by where they live.

Many people buy or rent a home and hire a woman to live in and care for hospice patients. These people do not live in the same house as the patients; they have their own home elsewhere and this is mainly a business for them. Because there is such a turnover of help in the care–giving profession, if the owner does not live in the home your loved one is in, the constant need for training the new employee(s) could present a care problem. When the owner lives in their own home and supervises the care, you and your loved one has at least one familiar personality to deal with regardless of the turnover. You can rest easier when you go home because there is a constant flow of heart–felt care day and night and all services performed for your dying loved one are being continuously monitored. The owner/caregiver has their finger on the pulse of their home/business at all times. This isn’t to say that there are exceptions, but difficult to find in an already extremely rare situation.

2) Will your loved one have a private room? This is very important for a bed–bound patient due to the need of privacy for friends, family, nurses, aides and clergy visiting. There are homes that even have an extra bed available for the family member who wants to sleep over at the end of their loved ones life.

3) What are the visiting hours? It is quite natural for a personal home to enforce visiting hours, however, if the nurse knows in advance that your loved one has only a few days before they will be passing away, you need reassurance that the rules will be lifted, within reason, for friends and family to have the freedom to come and say goodbye.

4) Will the home atmosphere be peaceful and quiet? There needs to be an environment conducive to grieving and a respect for those who require this very private and personal freedom to do so. It can be difficult for family/friends to release their emotions with a noisy background. There can be disturbances from other residents and/or their visiting families especially if your loved one is in a personal care home that cares for residents other than the terminally ill. Sometimes children, loud television or radio cause distracting noise. You can always ask for references of those residents’ families who are living there at the present and question them regarding such issues before making a decision.

5) How long has the caregiver been caring for the terminally ill? You need someone with hands-on, practical experience in this specialized area.

6) Is the caregiver in the habit of getting up at night to:

• check on her residents,
• turn them when it is necessary
• change their diaper or toilet them?

7) How well has the caregiver/owner gotten along with hospice agencies in the past?

As you interview each facility, be sure to take notes on the place itself, the people who work there, the owner (if possible), the director (if it’s a large facility), the atmosphere, the number of years in existence, references, the number of terminally ill residents staying there and your own deep inner voice.

When you are finished with all interviews, crosscheck and compare your notes and then make the decision. If you go through all of these steps, you have a better chance of feeling peaceful about moving your loved one.